How to Express Gratitude to Your LGBTQIA+ Donors

Dear nonprofit leaders and fundraising professionals,

To continue the conversation on engaging LGBTQIA+ donors better, from a Queer fundraiser of almost a decade who’s worked exclusively with the LGBTQIA+ community for almost that entire time, let’s talk about thanking your Queer donors.

I’m going to break the fourth wall here for a second and request that you think to yourself for a second. Answer this question: How would you thank a straight donor? Think, think. 

Do you have your answer? OK, now answer this question: How would you thank a queer donor? Think about it for a couple seconds…

How did your answers compare? If they were the same…you’re WRONG! Just kidding. But you do need help! There are two simple tips…

GOOD GOD GURL GET RID OF HONORIFICS!

There is nothing honorable in misgendering an LGBTQ+ person – especially a transgender or non-binary person. Prefixes are an outdated and heteronormative form of classism and sexism. This may not seem like a big deal, but think of it like this: many straight people don’t even think about pronouns or gender identity because they already fit perfectly into society’s systemic structure of gender, identity, and expression. Something like this – misgendering a gender nonconforming queer person – can be enough for an LGBTQIA+ person to never engage with your organization ever again. Use their names and only their names. Queer donors do not want to be addressed as Mr. &  Mr. LastName – many married queer couples keep their last names, like Matt Last & Max Name.

That being said, start by asking what terms to use for your donor’s households and couples. Ask a queer couple what their preference is before you properly thank them. Think of asking how they should be recognized as the beginning of your gratitude. Then go from there.

PARTNERS & PLUS-ONES PLEASE

Donor databases are notorious. I’ve worked with at least three donor data management systems, and maybe one or two more that I’ve blocked out of my memory. They are also especially notorious for assuming a household is led by a man, and assuming that household is a man and a woman. Of course they do, we are operated by heternormative ideals and systems every day in our waking lives. But LGBTQIA+ couples look like two men, two women, one man and one woman, one transgender woman and a 2Spirit person, and so on in an infinity of possible combinations. Remember a community of communities? Yeah, it’s exhausting! But bare with me.

The algorithms and systems of our databases systemically exclude the LGBTQIA+ community by not allowing our development staff to assign different last names to a couple in the same household, or auto-labeling a household as Mr. & Mrs. Albert Einstein, or auto-assigning the male partner as the head of the household. And if you’ve thought “Well, those things don’t only apply to the LGBTQIA+ community” – you’re correct! When we are intentional about creating equitable systems and use them properly, the results reach beyond a single beneficiary (community).

Nonprofit organizations can also hold the databases accountable. We spend a lot of money on CRMs, and when large organizations like healthcare companies and higher education institutions leverage a database’s need for nonprofits, we can advocate for better systems that better serve our communities – especially at a DEI level.

The moral of the gratitude story is – check in with your LGBTQIA+ donors before you thank them. Make sure you are identifying them and their family the way they want you to. 

And perhaps we should not cluster sexualities and genders around an idea of normalcy, but instead teach a cultural norm where it is understood that queer and trans people exist, and we don’t know anything about anyone’s identity until they tell us themselves.

It’s important not to assume someone’s sexual orientation or gender even if they are in a committed relationship. Don’t assume anyone’s gender/pronouns just because they look a certain way. Navigate the world in a way of not knowing, until information is shared with you.

Each of us as individuals has an obligation to our brothers, sisters, siblings, friends, family, loved ones, neighbors, and co-workers, to make an effort to be a decent human being.

Sincerely,

Queers

Queer For Hire provides fundraising support and LGBTQIA+ diversity training for nonprofits, professionals, and corporations.

Learn about our Fundraising Services <here> – we’ll lead or support your fundraising efforts, whether you need general support or want to focus on raising money from and for the LGBTQIA+ community.

Learn about our Fundraising Trainings <here> – we can coach your board, staff, and fundraising team on how to fundraise and how to engage LGBTQIA+ donors.

Learn about our other services <here> or our resources <here>.